The fish van pulled up first.
“What’s the crowd for?” the driver asked, eyeing the line of kids and cameras outside Carton House.
“Manchester United are staying here.”
“Jaysus! Must be their first time in Europe this season.”
Cruel. But not entirely out of step with where United now sit in the game’s pecking order.
Inside the gates in Kildare, the welcome felt very different. A throng of schoolkids, phones aloft, pressed against the barriers as the squad stepped off the bus on Tuesday morning. Most of them are too young to remember United winning anything that really mattered. The Premier League title last landed at Old Trafford 13 years ago; for this generation, tales of trebles and title races come second-hand, passed down by parents like family folklore.
That didn’t blunt the noise. When Bruno Fernandes appeared, the shriek cut through the cold air, sharp enough to clear sinuses. It sounded less like the arrival of a captain and more like the opening bars of a boyband gig.
Fitting, then, that a boyband veteran stood waiting inside.
Nicky Byrne, Westlife’s United diehard, watched on from the touchline. Spotting an old face, he let rip.
“Woody! Woody!”
Jonathan Woodgate, now part of Michael Carrick’s coaching staff, broke from the group and wrapped his former Leeds United youth teammate in a bear hug. A Premier League reunion, staged on GAA turf.
They weren’t the only decorated observers. Paul Flynn and Carla Rowe, between them owners of 12 All-Ireland medals, took in the session with the relaxed air of people who know every blade of grass at Croke Park. In August, United’s players will get their own crash course when they meet Leeds there in a friendly. For most of them, it will be a first taste of the place Flynn and Rowe turned into a second home.
One man unlikely to be involved is Casemiro.
As the Brazilian loosened up before training, a young voice pierced the murmur from the sidelines.
“One more year, Casemiro!”
The chant has followed him ever since he announced he would leave United at the end of the season. He revealed recently that it makes his wife cry. Whether from pride at the affection or dread at another 12 months in Manchester, he didn’t quite clarify.
United have had time to ponder such things. Between their last outing, against Bournemouth, and their next, against Leeds on Monday, they will have gone 24 days without a competitive game. No European football, no deep runs in the League Cup or FA Cup – the schedule stripped bare, the legs rested, the minds reset for one last push at a Champions League place. Some might call it a failure of a season. Framed another way, it looks like a very modern kind of advantage.
The trip to Kildare serves a dual purpose: a change of scenery and a marketing drive for that Croke Park friendly. Their presence, though, came at a cost for someone else. The Armagh panel had also booked Carton House for a pre-championship camp before facing Tyrone, only to find the pitches laid out for soccer rather than Gaelic football.
Oisín Conaty took it in good spirits. The Armagh man, a Liverpool supporter, conceded with a grin that United probably needed the training more than his county.
After the session, Amad Diallo and Bryan Mbeumo fronted up to the media, many of whom had flown in from England. Mbeumo did his best to nod along with the local significance of their summer venue.
“Playing Leeds is a big rivalry for the club, it’s going to be good to play this kind of game especially in this historic stadium and big stadium. We have a big community of fans here. We’re very excited.”
The Cameroon international, a €75 million signing from Brentford last summer, still keeps a close eye on his former club. He reserved particular praise for their current manager, Keith Andrews.
“He’d been a big part of our success last season, he looked after the set pieces but he had already the capacity to talk, to motivate, to bring the best out of ourselves. I’m not really surprised by what he’s doing this season, especially because they kept a strong group. I am really happy for what he is doing.”
The obvious question hangs over United’s own dugout. Who will be in charge next season?
“It’s not for us as players to decide,” came the joint line from Mbeumo and Diallo. They were far more comfortable talking about Carrick, and the calm he has brought since taking over as interim manager in January.
“He knows the journey of the club, he knows how to talk to us as well, I think it’s been easier because he knew the house,” Mbeumo said.
A former midfielder who once stitched United’s play together now tries to piece the club itself back into something coherent. The kids on the railings don’t remember what that used to look like. They only know the version they see now – a giant trying to rouse itself.
Training over, Diallo and Mbeumo drifted towards the dining room, the morning’s work done, the cameras packing away. The fish van had long since left Carton House.
The real question is whether this quietly intense camp, tucked away in Kildare, sends United back across the Irish Sea with something more valuable than rest: a spark worthy of those stories the parents keep telling.
